I've always been that strong, pull-yourself-up-by-your-bobby-socks kind of girl. You know, the quiet one in the corner that sometimes comes off as aloof. It's gotten better over the years when I finally figured out that people took my insecurity as judgment, and I forced myself to be more open. Still, at the end of the day I stand alone regarding many issues in my life. Why is it that women desire to connect with others, yet when we hurt we hide?
I have two dear friends who just this week have had serious issues cross their paths. We won't get into the details, but both came to me in a flurry, overwhelmed, needing a moment to just vent. As soon as they got it off their chest, they felt guilty, apologizing profusely and reprimanding themselves for bringing it up. "I don't want to bother you...Sorry, I didn't mean to dump that on you...I know your busy.."
Really? Ladies why do we do that?
I'll always stop whatever it is I'm doing and listen. I believe that relationships are more important than anything and I view it as an honor when someone reaches out to me. I know what it's like to stand alone...it sucks. We all need friends who won't think your husbands a complete ass because he did whatever, or judge our sometimes ridiculous choices. Friends are a gift; and that gift gets more precious with every passing year. We all need a soft place to land.
Me thinks that why we do this is because we dont want to burden other's - we know we ourselves would be there for someone else, and often are - but with work schedules, kids and life - we fear that we are taking away something precious from other members of that persons family, away from there life; we when we are asked to set aside time, to lend a shoulder, do it willingly because we know, often times we come away from the encounter stronger richer people, but when your dealing with the problem or issue - you hesitate to talk about it, not wanting to bring other's down, or to take away time from what the other person might be dealing with.
ReplyDeleteBeing a loner stinks, I am one, and it's lonely and scary - I offer my shoulder willingly knowing that there's probably not much I can do, but listen - and though it's not always enough, it sometimes is...I am grateful when it is, and often come away like I said stronger...
but when your in the throws, it's tough to see that, right now all I can think of is that I dont want to drag anyone down with me...so I want to hold it in to preserve my loved one's from my own pain, it's mine after all - sharing it might make me feel better for a few minutes, but it might also drag you down, and I would never do that to someone whom I love, cherish and treasure!